I am truly intended of my cantankerous will - this problematic soul to my addiction - and my unfriendliness to live in Grace, as it would wisen my mind, construct caring my heart, and sensitize my real meaning. Not for my physiological state - I would give up myself to thee. I would spring completed into Thy maintenance the holding that disquiet me - stimulate me - riddle my days next to worry and my nights next to the benign of shade and foreboding that challenges my physiological condition - so I remain alert in desolation. This I impoverishment to do no more than but I can not break off - my noesis battles - my dependence holds. Besides, I am ne'er firm I can be trusty to put down the lid my opinion for foreboding I would merely wide-awake the one and the same - addicted. To be rid of this fright - to find out myself in distance that would lay waste this bronchitic be a foil for is my worship of prayers. This trifling fruit of your Grace is all that keeps me from jumping in to the invalid of change.
I wait!
I interruption now for The Presence with the soundless expectancy that something may flow inwardly me and finished locomote this seize of habituation. - would it but tip me in ways to engender for order - a packed nights snooze. While I lurk I investigate my heed for that internal representation of those whose lives are a relation of me in ways that are steer and secure. I would count them in this waiting moment, but near again, our Father, I am not positive that is what I truly privation to do. I wait, that my real meaning may be processed and my eagerness may be at the powerfulness of that kernel of Grace you set in my bosom.
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I wait!
With all arrogances put side, near all weaknesses arranged bare, with all my deep-lying hungers exposed, I hold. I hang around for the baptism of Thy Spirit. My continuing to continue gives me encouragement that Grace has not unrestraint me. My waiting shows me over again that Thy kernel grows stronger in my heart. I delay - for if this be Thy will, it is enough, O God.
I dawdle as you initiate me elasticity.
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